2012

It is the start of a new year and we all get the chance to sit back and reflect on our lives and shit. Well, let me start by saying that 2012 for me was a year of self discovery and heart breaking tv shows. haha In all seriousness, Grey's this past year was heart wrenching. Real talk. Also, I turned 21 this year and I got to experience the bar scene. It wasn't as great as I hoped it would be...I do love me some tequila though! haha

No, but really. I have so much to be thankful for, and with every minute that passes I am able to realize just how blessed I truly am. I want to start off by saying that I always thought that I was good at emotions and dealing with them...lies. That notion was nothing more than a pipe dream. So this past year, I worked on really talking about what I was feeling with the people it involved (even if that meant talking to myself). I worked on being honest and blunt. Now, that didn't always make me come off as nice...being blunt sometimes means being mean. I worked on being true to myself and to stop being afraid of people. I worked on being comfortable with who I am and my flaws. It wasn't easy, and to be honest, most days it felt like I was pulling myself apart at the seams. By working on these things, I was able to discover just how aggressive I truly am, and well, it also took some time to accept that it was okay. I need to continue to work on knowing when being aggressive is okay, and when I should turn it down a couple notches. I also discovered just how scary letting people into my metaphorical house of emotions is to me. Like I stated earlier...ripping myself apart.

Here is the thing about ripping myself apart, I was able to look at the pieces and I got to (and continue to) decide how I get to put myself back together. One year isn't going to be enough, but 2012 was a great start. I learned to let people in beyond my front room and I was rewarded with people wanting to stay in my kitchen and have a cup of coffee with me, not because they felt bad or needed something from me, but because they wanted to. I still struggle with it, but I am making progress and it has proven to be so rewarding. I started being honest with myself and surprise surprise, it wasn't fun. There are things that I don't ever want to deal with, but I soon realized that if I didn't, I would never find peace or happiness. I strive everyday to find those two things.

I have amazing friends, that love me and accept me for who I am. I don't know if I could ever thank them enough. Really though, 2012 has been full of so much love, love that I didn't think I deserved. But as I continue to work on my emotional shortcomings, I am able to really see that I do deserve all this love, but I know never to take it for granted. I wish I could remember every second of 2012 and write about how it was significant to me and how it ultimately shaped me for the better.

I think it is very important that I thank the people who have stood by me while I made this journey of self discovery, and thank them for seeing me at my worst and holding my hand through it all. First, Heather, Katie, Sam and Jaelyn. I don't  think that I could every really say how helpful and inspiring they have been to me. But they have loved me even when I didn't think I should be loved. They have listened to me cry, and panic, and rant and ramble about everything and nothing. They made me feel included and like I was part of something important and meaningful. Like I said before, I am not very good at talking about me and my feelings, but they picked and prodded and that is something I respond well to, some times we all need a little push, I need it constantly. They called me out on my bullshit and there is nothing that I love more than people who can call me out on my bullshit, and I mean that. They never allowed me to lie to myself (or them) because they want me to be happy. They constantly push me to be a better version of myself, not because that is what they want, but because they can see it is what I want and what I can be, some times they love me for who I can be, God bless them.  Really, there aren't words for what they mean to me and how much they have changed my life just by being them. I really thank God on a daily for crossing their paths with mine. Everyone needs friends like them in their lives, really.

My family. Ohhhhh my family. How I love them so. As I have grown up, I realize how much I love my parents. I am overcome with feelings right now, just thinking about how amazing they are. Of course, life isn't a walk in the park and not everyday was great. We fought, we screamed and yelled. But what it all comes down to, is the fact that I know my family will always love me and support me no matter what. They love me unconditionally and I not only know that, but I feel it in my soul. With support and love like that, how can I not succeed in every aspect of my life? I am lucky to know that I am never alone in life and that I won't ever be, because my family will always be with me. I don't think a lifetime is enough to show them how much the mean to me and just how much of an influence the have been and will continue to be. Not a lot of people have that kind of love, and I don't know how to thank God for them.

There are so many more people who have made 2012 an amazing year for me. I could name them all here, but we would be here forever. I hope that I made you know that you were special to me and how thankful I am for your friendship. I have friends that listen to me cry and be scared, and helped me see my potential and cheered me on. I am constantly feeling blessed and loved and I don't really know what I have done to deserve it, but I am so thankful. Katy Keil, Kaitlyn, Annie, Kiersten, Janelle, Tristen, Sydney, Jaki, Alyssa, Corey, Azure, Mandy, Kyle, Jeremy, Katy, Kate, Alyssa, Jessi, Jesse, Emily, everyone at TURN, Casey, Veronica, KaCee, Cooper, Brylee, Sophia, Kylee, Erin, Jay, Kimmy, TD thank you so much for your friendship this year and I hope we can continue to work on my  friendship with each and every single one of you this upcoming year.  I know there are so many people I am missing, and I am sorry if you feel like I missed you. I am sure I will remember right after I post this...usually how it works.

Academically, 2012 has been marvelous. Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are right where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to be doing? I feel that way every time I sit in a psychology class. I have found my calling in life and I can't wait to continue to learn and become an amazing psychologist. Honestly, psychology just fills my spirit and soul with such happiness. It kind of sucked sometimes, because in psychology classes, you get to be your own patient. I had to rip myself apart, for class. haha I got to make a life plan, and if you know me at all, you know that I don't plan ahead. It was so hard for me to do that, but I learned so much from it. I get to discover so much about myself and how I look at the world and how others look at the world, I just love psychology so much.

In the entertainment world, my heart has been taken on a roller coaster of emotions. First, lets talk about Glee. Some say it has gone from good to bad to really freaking bad. I will agree. But that doesn't mean I love it any less. Season three was good and I love all the characters and I don't like it when people talk smack. Grey's Anatomy...what the hell are you doing to me Shonda? I cry every freaking episode I watch. It is amazing. I love it and if you don't watch it...I suggest you get on that. Parks and Rec...is it possible to love Amy Pohler more than I already do? I don't think so. Watch that shit, it is funny. Umm...so my friend Mandy took me to see the greatest movie ever...Pitch Perfect. If you haven't seen that...then my question to you is: what are you doing with your life? Dark Knight Rises, I was on the edge of my seat! Thank you Kyle! Umm...am I allowed to thank the Hanks for watching Breaking Dawn part 2 with me? Because I am going to do it! It was so great! Movies were so great this year! Snow White, Brave, Hotel Transalvania, all were  just so damn great, but what made it better was the people I watched all these movies with.

Another very important part of 2012 was food. I love food. But I mostly love sharing a meal with the people I love, and I got to do that a lot this year. Thank you to all those people who cooked for me, I am forever thankful. Thank you to all those that went out with me to eat. Thank you to my mother and father for being such great cooks and letting me enjoy their food when I was home.

As you can see, I get side tracked and ramble, but I hope you get the jest of this. 2012 was a year full of ups and downs, with perfections and flaws, with love and some stuff that wasn't love, with wisdom and stupidity, with good tv and really bad tv...haha overall, it was simply amazing. Here is to 2013 and being able to discover more about me, you and the world :)

 Also, 2012 was a great year for my relationship with Instagram and sweat pants. #donotjudge











































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