My Fabulous Life: Feelings Editon
I have been told that I feel too intensely. Is it true? Yeah, yeah it is. But I was thinking about it today and I just don't know how else you would feel? It sounds like a ridiculous question, I know, but honestly! For example, how else do you tell your homies that you are really disappointed that you aren't better at learning to swim without saying that going "swimming" was the most embarrassing experience of your life and telling them you will be drowning in your bathtub? Or when you and your friends fight, how do you not feel like your friendship is ending as well as the whole world around you?
Why do I feel so "passionately?" We could go with the stereotype and say it is because I am Latina, or maybe it is because as a young child only the strong emotions got noticed and now that is the only way I know how to feel. It is a curse and blessing all at once. How do you love someone if it is not a 110%? This is something I am working on currently, because some people are only meant to sit in your metaphorical front room and never enter your metaphorical kitchen, but I just don't understand how you could have someone in your front room with no intentions of walking them into the kitchen?
There is a just a tornado inside of my chest that is all consuming. It hasn't stopped since I can remember and it is intense and always close to the surface. I mean anything sends me into a hissy! So when Shonda Rhimes decides she wants to kill off people on my favorite show, I feel that sadness for days, weeks even! Or that one time on Walking Dead that I felt like my child got killed too?! That is a lot!
So, I feel too intensely. When I am angry, my blood boils, when I am happy, the whole world is a magical happy place, when I am sad, my whole world crumples. It is one extreme to the next.
What does this mean?! It means that I literally feel like my whole life is ruined when there are no donuts in all of Lin's, and when I don't win a game, it's the biggest disappointment of my life! Haha the good thing is that as I have gotten older I have learned to acknowledge that my whole life is in fact NOT ruined and that losing a game is no biggie, but for about 1 hour to five lifetimes, I am feeling some pretty intense emotions caused by minor things! My poor friends and family! God bless their patience with my "passionate," "dramatic" self!
I guess, I need to work harder on it, because not a lot of people feel so intensely and so that makes me the weirdo who is crying over spilled milk!
I will say this though, feeling so much, so intensely has made my life one interesting journey. And I would also like to acknowledge that feelings suck about 89.9% of the time!