Posts

2022

 Hello world! I love to recap my thoughts on my year via word, spoken preferably, but written is fine.  2022 started with my heart being shattered into hundreds of little pieces, tears in my eyes, and a burning desire to never feel this way again. And the icing on the shit cake? A speeding ticket. I had myself fooled into believing in a fantasy and oh God, how wrong I was! It was not a good time, and I vowed to not make my whole year about this...again. Every year my soul friends and I chose a word of the year. I use it as the overall theme in everything I do. This year the word for me was Surrender. Surrender to the truth, surrender to the flow of the universe, and surrender to who I am. I care deeply as to what my loved ones think of me. I internalize so much that I act like I don't care, and then do everything to show that I actually do, but lying to myself about it. (Humans are fucking weird, why would I do that?) "Hi, you need to look inside for that validation you so dee
Post a Comment
Read more

30

I did it. I hit the big 3-0!  I want to take a moment to share, reflect, analyze a little, and look to the future.  First of all, let's start with the fact that I did not, in any way shape or form think I would make it to be this old. I honestly never thought that I would make it past 18. I have had all these extra years that I didn't plan for, and sure as hell didn't ask anyone to give me. I have basically been dragging my depressed, stupid ass around with no intent or desire.  Don't get me wrong. I have lived a beautiful life, full of the most beautiful people that have ever existed in all of time. Oh, another thing before we move forward: I do not mince my words, and I love real real hard.  I have learned many a thing during these thirty years of life. First, attitude, it's everything. This has taken me forever to understand and accept, and even longer to implement. I am still practicing every day with my brain to ensure we can look at the pluses and the lessons
Post a Comment
Read more

My Gay Fabulous Life: Coming Out Edition

I am gay. So there is that. As a gay person, there is always the fun process of coming out. I mean, I am sure everyone comes out in one way or another. For example, I read an article in Time Magazine and this journalist came out as an illegal immigrant and I was surprised at how easily I could relate. Not because I am an illegal immigrant (which I am not), but because we experienced the same fears.Some people come out to their families as being liberal or a Ute fan or a HoneyBoo Boo fan. I am sure we can all relate to that feeling of nervousness and fear that runs through us as we state what we need to state.  Being gay has given me the opportunity to come out, oh so many times. And each time I feel like throwing up. The first time I came out, I came out to my therapist, and myself. That was rough and a real punch in the gut. I guess I have always felt different, but finally admitting that maybe I did not want to marry a tall handsome man and have his babies was a hard reality.
Post a Comment
Read more

I went with it.

Image
Well, I have risen from the ashes. I am sitting here thinking of ways I could explain my happiness, but words fail me. They fail me every time. I don't how this happened. But that is where the beauty of faith comes into play. Lets start from the beginning. My parents raised me Catholic...in a sense. I was baptized, but I realize now that it was more tradition then anything else. I never really understood the meaning of it all. I did my confirmation and first communion not feeling anything. Which, now I understand was super disrespectful on my behalf. I know better now. Well, as I've spoken about before in prior blogs, I was in a severe rut. I couldn't find my way out. Until one day I decided that I need to get my life together. I need to change my attitude and I needed to stop aiming for perfection. And it was before I made my move down to Cedar City. I realized that Cedar is where I wanted to be, that I needed to make it work! I needed to work a little harder. And I did.
3 comments
Read more